This evening I came across a blog shared on Facebook titled "We Can't be Friends". The title caught my attention and I gave it a read through. To summarize, it is written by a woman who announces she cannot be friends with anyone who is not understanding that her house is a mess because she has children and she describes how she will not spend hours cleaning in attempt to give the illusion of having it together before her friends stop by. Her message is simple: If you have issue with my messy house, then, we can't be friends.
I absolutely agree… Kudos!!
If someone doesn't want to come to my house because its a mess, then seriously: we can't be friends… But, you know what?… when I'm frantically tiding up my house before a friend comes over, it's not because they'll have a problem with my messy house. It's because I have a problem with them seeing my messy house… But here is the kicker… up until VERY, VERY, VERY recently, I was convinced that people did care… That they did judge the mess… and as a result, because of MY insecurities, I'd frantically and thoroughly clean before any guests came over, and would become a grumpy, miserable bitch if my husband dared to leave an empty glass on the counter or wore his shoes from the front door to the back door because "I JUST CLEANED AND WE HAVE COMPANY COMING!"
Now, think about it.... When you go to visit a girlfriend, what is the first thing she says, pretty much every single time???? : "Sorry, my house is a mess." (and usually it fucking isn't and you roll your eyes at her half hating her for saying something so stupid, and then half hating yourself as you compare her mess to your mess. Point is, EVERYONE (with a vagina) is constantly hiding and apologizing for their messes and the problem isn't our asshole, judgemental friends. The problem is our asshole judgemental FEMALE selves who have set impossible standards for ourselves to live by. I don't know where the hell we got them… from our mothers? Who got them from their mothers? Who knows? What I do know, is I never hear a man apologize for their house being a mess - even when it is a fucking wreak. But then again, I don't hear men on a regular basis gossiping and bitching about their friends either… so maybe they don't feel the need to defend and apologize for the state of their homes because they don't expect others to talk negatively about them for something so petty. Jes say'n!
Now, just to further make my point… (wait a minute, didn't I predict I'd be ranting like a lunatic about something totally unrelated to kids crafts in my last post? yes. yes I did)… anyways… Social media… how many of you are guilty for taking a picture, going to upload it to Facebook or instagram… then realizing "fuck, the basket of laundry in the back?? Shit." … moving it, re-snapping, then uploading. [If nobody is nodding to themselves right now, please let me know so I can pour myself another glass of wine…] Point is, we care FAR too much about what others MAY think of us and how we are portraying ourselves. ANNNNNDDD… on that note: guilty confession time. I snapped this picture of my living for this post so I could be all like "whoa. that lady thought her house was a mess. Check out MY mess."
Then, I looked at it and thought "whoa. fuck. no. Im not posting that!"… resnaped the photo and felt a flicker of pride: "yep. THAT mess makes my point, but I won't have TLC banging down my door to approach me to star in their next reality tv show titled "PIGS"
Okay: Time to get to my point, as I clearly have laundry to fold:
Living is messy and high maintenance, and kids can be shitheads. (unrelated to this post, but still true) - And just like I'm always going to throw on a bra before company arrives, I'm going to tidy up and it's not because I think my highbeams or messy house are going to offend my guests… (and if they are, then, we can't be friends) but it's because I feel uncomfortable being exposed… Chances you will continue on the same too, and that's cool. But… Why don't we at least try being honest about it… Instead of making the excuse "we had a crazy weekend here" to justify the overflow of dishes in the sink (I used this one today) - fess up and admit "Thank god you were 20 minutes late because I was able to hide the laundry baskets AND brush my teeth!!" (This also happened today, minus the confession) - Lets stop pretending and apologizing - and hell, while we are at it, how about we stop talking shit about other peoples' "shortcomings" and maybe eventually we won't feel so defensive of our own.